The Josh Fulgencio's official Online Diary

Inspiring Lives One Journey a Day


Leave a comment

Just Before You Say, “My QA’s a B****”

​The work that we do sometimes entails a little fire and smoke. Not everyone properly understands how we think or do things, or why. But, one thing’s for sure – we’re never motivated by personal agendas. Proven so is reason enough to kick us out of the game for a lifetime.
As I’d always tell my team, our job isn’t for the faint-hearted. We bombard ourselves with hourly, daily, weekly, and monthly quotas, and engage to other value-add tasks and sessions on top of that. Sometimes if the program are having operational problems, we’re obliged to drop everything in order to support them until they recuperate. And though our scope of work is very different, we do not consider ourselves a separate entity from them since we are their support system. These are just SOME of the things we do regularly.
Aside from the “work” is the ugly side of the role most alien to people. We get the dirty mouth – comments of either us screwing up, not knowing what we’re doing, or of their direct supports not being able to do things for them. We do That Thing Called “Scrubbing” and deal with the reject meat the main leg cannot handle due to the volume of work. It’s easy to spot us doing sh*t because we’re few, but we’re almost always never in the place to give the favor back to those who watched us. We’re all about managing perceptions, but we’re about growing fangs as well. The things we should treat unacceptable is so not by our discretion, but by data substantiated by a study, or supported with undisputable facts, or agreed upon by a respected panel outside ourselves.
It is a shame that this less pretty side of our duty is the edge less exposed. One of my leaders once told me that our work is a “thankless job,” and that’s just aside from it being not as beautiful after all. But we do it because we are motivated by quality and we are skilled to analyze what has gone up to standard and which needs improvement.
It pains me when I hear ugly things against the people placed under my care as if we are being paid by the organization to attack them personally through the analysis we produce. How irritating it is for someone to call somebody else dumb or lacking of knowledge just by comparing tenure, or experience, or position, when at the end of the day, what’s measurable is our competency.
Essentially, when we look and consider all the things that count we just need to keep in mind that this is our job. And while there are these countless hazzards, we will keep doing it because it’s ours. So just before you say stuff against your QA, just remember that aside from letting it pass the other ear everytime, all of us have a job to fulfill. Stop wasting time bashing the one who monitored your calls, or marked you down on your email, or dismissed your dispute, when these are precious times you could use to better the quality of your work…
…maybe even to an extent we don’t even need to use the fangs anymore.

Advertisements


Leave a comment

And everyday, you will ask yourself if you really are cut out for this. You always have thoughts of doubt – and you will doubt, definitely – as it is haunting you constantly. But, you’ll go on. You will still act and fight. And maybe, you will start doing the right things soon. Perhaps you’ll start turning heads and bashing first impressions. Maybe you can prove yourself acceptable to their eyes, and even yours, and maybe every step of the way should hurt.

But since you chose this – even if it kills you –  you just don’t stop.


Leave a comment

In Progress

​There are days when we just need to be that person hungry for another’s advice. Not always – as if your life depends on the lack of it – but there are days.

It’s been more than a month since I knew, and about almost a month in actual. Looking back, I’m aware that I never got the chance to absorb what new role I got myself into: didn’t unleash my usual ecstatic jumping-for-joy self, didn’t post a status on facebook, and I only made one phone call instead of a series of phone calls to every immediate family member. There hasn’t been a sinking-in stage, which I guess is why a number of significant people find it odd I look too apathetic for getting promoted. It’s not that it is anyone’s fault. Maybe I didn’t allow myself that chance given the stuff needed done.

It was a challenge getting here. And I’m not even referring to the difficulty of the tests. A challenge of choice, rather. I expressed my interest closed eyes and told myself that I’m only testing my luck. I got disappointed for my lapses and almost felt unsure of pushing through. Someone even had to argue me over just so I can wake up to reality. Weeks after, here I am.

If I would reflect on the journey that has been, I would say my primary motivation is progression. I believe that we don’t reach a certain point and stop there. We have to keep moving. There will always be one point in a man’s life where he feels he’s matured over a certain stage in his life and would have to look for something brighter.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not talking about stages where we’re burnt out, or feel repetitive, or bored, or done and over sh**. We’re talking maturity – a certain point such as a ripened fruit ready for harvest, a worm ready to become a butterfly, a bird ready to spread its wings to do what it was made to do. That kind.

But be warned. Easy for us with big mean dreams to go hungry for progress, yet the road(ssss) are not smooth. It’s like birth pangs – it has to hurt, it needs to be exhausting, maybe even death-defying – all because you are giving birth to a dream. There will be shocks and breakages, headaches, solid thoughts of stopping and spacing out. And because you control your life, no one else can make the choice for you. You either make it, or break, in the process.

Two cents from two people who approached me, maybe worried I aint coping (and really – I’m not doing good at it when things began), highlights:

“The spotlight is on you now. You have to suck it in.”

And…

“Wala tayong karapatang manghina.”

Sometimes we have to allow reality to bite us in the ass to make sure we stay awake against things that may slow us down moving forward. Difficulty ignites growth which births successes. Then new hardships will come and then we’ll grow to a new level and a new accomplishment is achieved, and so on.

Notice that lots of whiners complain about lack of fulfillment only to see that they’ve been stagnant at certain aspects of their life. Don’t do it – you aren’t made for that stuff.

We always have to be in progress. How else would you like to live this life?


Leave a comment

The Big Day Wishlist 2016

If you have been a follower of my blog, you should know that the ‘Big Day’ is something really special and personal to me. This post should have been published 30 days prior to the Big Day – I know, I’m sorry – but I just can’t let another week pass without getting my annual dose of wishful thinking.

Thank you, fans, for making my Big Day wishes, your command. Charot!

Well, here goes…

1. A bag of Green Tea-flavored Kitkats

My friends know that one of my comfort chocolates is a KitKat. And since I have tasted this peculiar flavor, green tea, I can’t get enough of it. I just can’t end a day without a two- or four-finger Green Tea Kitkat to pick up my mood. So on the big day, this present will definitely be a winner!

2. A much-deserved Stay-cation

Well, my out-of-town getaway wishes yearly tend to end even before it starts, so this year, my wish is simple – and that is a stay at a seemingly distant tavern, just soaked on a fluffy, cozy king bed, momentarily taking dips in the pool, sipping wine, and, well… you know… something simpler would do. Hahaha!

3. Lamonade with the gang – an eat-out with my best buds at Stellar, WeTheFulgencios, etc.

Of course , something I need not miss is an eat out with my loves. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and while I ain’t a man, the way through TheJoshFulgencio™’s heart is definitely that. Besides, a good eat most often also means a good laugh, good talk, and good times with people that are most valuable to me. And that – I should say – is something I really wish to have.

4. A good read.

I started not demanding for specific titles and/or authors since last year, and the awesome thing about that is I also started expanding horizons with the stuff I read. I came to realize that there really are good books and tons of great writers out there, and their work really needs to be patronized. We can’t let them hide their talents to the chests!

So this year, yet again, one of my wishes is a new, good book, recommended by a fellow wide reader and bookworm 😄😄😄

5. Post-it Booklets!

Post-its are really useful, you know – especially those that are strikingly colorful, or with unique designs. Aside from its ultimate role of reminding me of tasks and schedules, it’s also a nice way to liven up my journals, work desk, and is handy when leaving some fellas a good day note. Thanks in advance! Hahaha!

6. An accessory that will leave me crying (or jumping for joy – whichever comes first)

I tend to be sentimental with stuff given to me by important people or that I did significant things with in order to obtain. Say, a small toy out of Kinder chocolate eggs, a baller with an inspiring statement, even a letter from a dear friend given years ago.

This year, I wish to get an accessory for keeps that would remind me of a colorful relationship/friendship I have with the giver. It could be something I could wear, or perhaps something that goes along with my stuff. Like earphones. Omg, earphones. 😛

7. A shopping spree!

I’m not really a shopper, unless we’re talking about foodies, then yes. But this item is honestly just an add-on. I wanted to see if someone bites. Uhmm… Dad? Mom? Ate and Kuya? Lol!

8. A fan video! LOL

Last year I actually just asked for fan signs and I got that and more. Thank you, dear friends and family. This time, video na talaga kasi mukhang doable naman eh. Lol!

Well, ultimately, I guess what I really want are sweet, honest, from-the-heart messages from my loved ones, so it really doesn’t matter if it’s a video compilation or something else… like a box of letters. 😉

9. A bouquet of flowers

Also an add-on but it’s a wish that happened last year. It makes me feel I can be young and lady-like. Odiba? Pag birthday ko lang ako babae. Hahaha!

10. A surprise

Everyone knows I have a love and hate relationship with surprises. ‘Cause really,  it takes a lot of nerve to dare to surprise a person experienced with events management, and who’s also specializing with surprise celebrations. But I guess, it’s another year to see the brave great ones who may finally pull it off.  😁

So I guess that’s it! Keeping my fingers crossed, and blowing an eyelash with a wish that some on this list come to pass. 🙏


Leave a comment

Almost.

It is true that “almost” is one of the saddest, most excruciating words that ever existed. Or said. Or felt.

***
Where should I start? If you could sum up what’s happened in the last five days,  you would, but the best that you could think of was that you’ve felt almost every high and low in the world back to back – excited, happy, doubtful, afraid, frustrated, stressed, disconnected, depressed, in denial, hopeful, devastated, and finally, in acceptance and letting go.

Excited
Who would’ve thought such an awesome opportunity would come in your life? Not you. But since it was presented,  you got so excited and thrilled to take on the job. Venturing a different territory doing something you have been enjoying to do, and not to mention the fact that it is also a honing ground for your growth. The answer should have to be yes.

Happy
More so, honored. You are grateful and humbled for this chance of a lifetime. You are especially joyful that out of all the candidates, you were the choice; that even the big guys say they have nominated you because of your valuable input. It makes one think she must have done something right.

Doubtful
And then, an “oh-wait.” There was an existing plan that you were so careful not to go against. A plan where one must choose and leave the other. A plan that makes you think maybe you shouldn’t. You couldn’t.  You must but how about… it’s confusing and headache triggering.

Afraid
It is a lie to say that you have never feared. In fact, you are almost always terrified. And you were afraid that such a thing as this will make you lose something that’s so important; something you have tended and grew for a long while, and aren’t ready to lose anytime soon – or anytime EVER. And though there is higher possibility that it will stay, the idea of the absence is heartbreaking. And you just can’t.

Frustrated
Road block. Oops! There is a pre-requisite to this new level and you have to get it if you really wanted this. But everytime you try, everytime you move forward and get your heart out there with no holds barred, everytime you take a step and a risk – it’s just not gonna happen in time. For the first time in your life, you have ran out of options and none of it seemed to have given a favourable solution.

Stressed
Physically. Mentally. Even emotionally. You’re trying to wrap your head around finding another solution ’cause surely there is something more. You give it another go and fail. You try again and be defeated. But you do it over and over again because giving up just isn’t in your get-go.

Disconnected
And because you’re so tired, you forget other simple things like thanking God for the evident blessing. Or laughing at your little brother’s jokes. Or thinking of something fun to do while your mind is having a war of its own. Suddenly you have been enclosed in a box that doesn’t open until you find the answer that you want – which, sadly, isn’t coming.

Depressed
Of course you will feel down. No one has ever done everything to chase that dream and failed has had an initial reaction contrary to sadness. You will talk to no one (or in my case, only one) and sulk into the thickening presence of your loss. You will regret stuff you have not done but should have. You will blame yourself for not moving fast enough, or trying hard enough, or being enough at all. And in the end, it is all pure sorrow.

In Denial
Is it really over? You ask yourself again and tell her that it’s not. While things look bleak, you decide to move forward even more because maybe there are underlying solutions yet to be found. Maybe there are shortcuts. Maybe there are workarounds. Some others have done it and you should be able to do so, too. It ain’t the end until it’s ended.

Hopeful
And just because your support system is so solid, you brighten up again and try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. More people try to help, more possibilities appear, more resources are unlocked. Suddenly, you felt that confidence back and resolve to stand and push your last wave of efforts. One more – just one more.

Devastated
And then, the truth. The truth that has set you free, but slowly killed you in the process. The truth that informed you that you’ve done that kind of best that isn’t good enough. The truth that suddenly makes you unforgiving of yourself because it was all on you. The truth that has made you questioned, made you hate, made you want to scream; a truth that shattered both your dream and heart into pieces – because, you know, it might never, EVER, come again. You ask yourself what good you can make out of all these – and you know there are plenty – but you just don’t want to dwell on the good side just yet. You’re hurting and it’s all that matters at this point.

Acceptance and Letting Go
Eventually, you’ll find the positives. You finally open your eyes to see that it’s not the end of the world just because. You realize that better things are yet to come, and though it’ll take more time, the Lord has especially written your undeniably good destiny for you to ride on. You learn your lessons and accept that some things should be done differently next time. You start thanking God for the gift that was packaged so differently than the way you expected it should come out.

A very important person would always remind me that everything happens for a reason. Cliché-sounding, yes, but nonetheless, it is the only line that makes sense when we try to write our own destiny but doesn’t push through favourably.

At the end of the day, what matters is that you said ‘yes’, gave it your all, and never gave up. Maybe you’re the one who have always been at the “Almost” of life. Keep moving. You’ll get there.


Leave a comment

Pulubi

Lagi na lang.

Parating kailangan kong abutin ang pagkataas-taas na basehan ng kagalingan. Kailangan kong mangarap. Kailangan kong maghirap. Kailangan kong may marating, o di kaya ay marating ang pangarap nila para sa akin.

Sila na minsan ko lang nakilala, ilan pa sa kanila’y di kaanu-ano; sila na sumusubaybay sa buhay ko upang manigurado na pagdating ng panahon ay may maitulong ako – mayroon akong maibigay.

Sila na para bang nasa katawan kong ito na siyang kumakayod para makamit ang matayog na paroroonan. Sila na siya din namang lumikha ng imahe ng mga dapat nating makamtan – na kung wala ka ng mga ito, wala kang silbi, wala kang kabuluhan.

Sa ganitong paraan ko ba malilimos ang inyong respeto?

***
Lagi na lang.

Abala kayo. Abala din ako. Oras natin ay madalang na magtagpo. Sa panahong libre kayo, ako naman ang may gagawin, at ang kabaligtaran. Pare-pareho tayong may trabaho, parehong kumakayod, parehong nag-aabang sa panahong iyon na sa wakas ay makakapagpahinga, makakatulog, makakalayo sa ingay ng mundo. Kaya naman nung ayain ko kayo, may tanong sa sagot ninyong oo. Inisip niyong sana meron pang ibang oras na mailalaan kayo para sa akin.

Pero mahal ninyo ko. Alam ko ang totoo, at ramdam ko din ito. Ngunit bakit gano’n? Noon naman, may panahon. Noon naman, may pagkakataon. Bakit tila nagkulang na ang oras? Bakit naubos na ang tyansa ko na makasama kayo?

Hindi. Naisip ko na nariyan lang naman ang oras; nariyan lang naman ang pagkakataon. Nasa sa atin na ito kung papaano lalagyan ng kabuluhan, papaano gagamitin at para kanino at saan ilalaan. Marami kayong oras noon, ngunit mas abala na ngayon. Hindi ko naman hihingin na bitawan ninyo ang pinagkakaabalahan niyo. Isa lang ang hiling ko – na may paraan para maipilit mo na kahit isang oras – ako naman. Isang oras na tayo lang. Isang oras para kumustahin kayo. Isang oras para lalo pa kayong makilala. Isang oras sa isang araw, o higit pa, kung kaya.

Sana. Pero napansin niyo ba, tila ako nanlilimos ng oras niyo?

***
Lagi na lang.

Sinabi niyo sa akin kung sino ako. Inilahad at malinaw na inilarawan kung anong hitsura, anong katangian, anong ugali at mga kinakagawian. Para sa inyo hindi ito maganda. Para sa inyo hindi ito sapat. Mali ako, at kayo ang tama, dahil sa realidad na kayo ang nakakakita at malamang na kayo ang lubos na naaapektuhan.

Pero mali kayo. At sinasabi ko ito ng may buong respeto – mali ho kayo. Siguro may panahong akala niyo, pero hindi. Iniisip niyo, pero hindi naitanong. Tinapos ninyo ng walang paglilinaw. Para bang ikinulong ng walang paglilitis; itinaboy ng walang pagpipigil.

Hihilingin ko sana na minsan ninyo akong pakinggan para mailahad ko kung ano naman ang akin. Sana masagot ko ang mga akusasyon. Sana mailinaw ko na hindi ko intensyon ang mga masasamang bagay na akala niyo’y ginawa ko, at mga di magagandang katangian na akala niyo’y ako.

Hihiling ko sana, pero hindi na lang. Maipaliwanag ko man ang sarili ko sa lahat – may pagbabago kaya? Hindi naman ito kailangan ng mga nagmamahal sa akin, at hindi ito paniniwalaan ng mga ayaw sa akin.

Pati ba naman pagtanggap ninyo, nililimos ko?

***

DISCLAIMER: Maybe Fictional.


Leave a comment

I’m Running Out of Daydreams

It’s that season of life where people say it’s time to go.
Some you’ll plead to stay,
Some you’ll attempt to persuade,
Most you’ll allow to fly;
Others we simply let go.

Today, you say, is no different from the rest,
You’ll talk yourself out of it —
Out of the fact that you always wished would just be one of life’s cruel sick jokes.

Arrival and departure has always been inevitable —
You should know that by now.
But it’s never always easy to say goodbye to those that made a mark somehow.

Today, you say, is your lucky day,
Your time to rest, your time play.
But you know too well there’s still a fight,
and you’re running out of daydreams tonight.

T’is the time we meet our lovers,
Members of our loyal parade.
We cling to them at desperate times,
We seek their wisdom through the games,
We trust they’ll stand for our cause,
We thrust with a trust that doesn’t fade.

T’is the time we meet our haters,
Not necessarily the enemies.
Some are just our exact opposites;
Others just don’t inhale the same breeze.

Some are doppelgangers trying to outdo,
Some are cloaked as our friends,
Some, invisible, hides their claws
But makes sure bite stings in the end.

Today, we say, is a new beginning
When troubles worth dissolved by singing.
But beginning just don’t seem that bright
And we’re running out of daydreams tonight

It is the part I trade guns for goods to return to the shelter.
I take off my hat and lay it down,
I raise the white flag,
I ditch the spare bullets and throw the remaining grenades.
The war never really got better.

One day, I thought, was my day of victory.
My armour was clenched when things got bleak.
But it is the people I love at stake
It is their peace I seek.

No, I did not give up so easily,
Not without seeing the light.
But when it is my people they slay
I thought maybe I should lose this fight.

Today, I say, I’ll soar above,
That this is for the people I love.
But so far, my wings are out of sight,
And I’m running out of daydreams tonight.