The Josh Fulgencio's official Online Diary

Inspiring Lives One Journey a Day


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And everyday, you will ask yourself if you really are cut out for this. You always have thoughts of doubt – and you will doubt, definitely – as it is haunting you constantly. But, you’ll go on. You will still act and fight. And maybe, you will start doing the right things soon. Perhaps you’ll start turning heads and bashing first impressions. Maybe you can prove yourself acceptable to their eyes, and even yours, and maybe every step of the way should hurt.

But since you chose this – even if it kills you –  you just don’t stop.

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In Progress

​There are days when we just need to be that person hungry for another’s advice. Not always – as if your life depends on the lack of it – but there are days.

It’s been more than a month since I knew, and about almost a month in actual. Looking back, I’m aware that I never got the chance to absorb what new role I got myself into: didn’t unleash my usual ecstatic jumping-for-joy self, didn’t post a status on facebook, and I only made one phone call instead of a series of phone calls to every immediate family member. There hasn’t been a sinking-in stage, which I guess is why a number of significant people find it odd I look too apathetic for getting promoted. It’s not that it is anyone’s fault. Maybe I didn’t allow myself that chance given the stuff needed done.

It was a challenge getting here. And I’m not even referring to the difficulty of the tests. A challenge of choice, rather. I expressed my interest closed eyes and told myself that I’m only testing my luck. I got disappointed for my lapses and almost felt unsure of pushing through. Someone even had to argue me over just so I can wake up to reality. Weeks after, here I am.

If I would reflect on the journey that has been, I would say my primary motivation is progression. I believe that we don’t reach a certain point and stop there. We have to keep moving. There will always be one point in a man’s life where he feels he’s matured over a certain stage in his life and would have to look for something brighter.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not talking about stages where we’re burnt out, or feel repetitive, or bored, or done and over sh**. We’re talking maturity – a certain point such as a ripened fruit ready for harvest, a worm ready to become a butterfly, a bird ready to spread its wings to do what it was made to do. That kind.

But be warned. Easy for us with big mean dreams to go hungry for progress, yet the road(ssss) are not smooth. It’s like birth pangs – it has to hurt, it needs to be exhausting, maybe even death-defying – all because you are giving birth to a dream. There will be shocks and breakages, headaches, solid thoughts of stopping and spacing out. And because you control your life, no one else can make the choice for you. You either make it, or break, in the process.

Two cents from two people who approached me, maybe worried I aint coping (and really – I’m not doing good at it when things began), highlights:

“The spotlight is on you now. You have to suck it in.”

And…

“Wala tayong karapatang manghina.”

Sometimes we have to allow reality to bite us in the ass to make sure we stay awake against things that may slow us down moving forward. Difficulty ignites growth which births successes. Then new hardships will come and then we’ll grow to a new level and a new accomplishment is achieved, and so on.

Notice that lots of whiners complain about lack of fulfillment only to see that they’ve been stagnant at certain aspects of their life. Don’t do it – you aren’t made for that stuff.

We always have to be in progress. How else would you like to live this life?


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The Big Day Wishlist 2016

If you have been a follower of my blog, you should know that the ‘Big Day’ is something really special and personal to me. This post should have been published 30 days prior to the Big Day – I know, I’m sorry – but I just can’t let another week pass without getting my annual dose of wishful thinking.

Thank you, fans, for making my Big Day wishes, your command. Charot!

Well, here goes…

1. A bag of Green Tea-flavored Kitkats

My friends know that one of my comfort chocolates is a KitKat. And since I have tasted this peculiar flavor, green tea, I can’t get enough of it. I just can’t end a day without a two- or four-finger Green Tea Kitkat to pick up my mood. So on the big day, this present will definitely be a winner!

2. A much-deserved Stay-cation

Well, my out-of-town getaway wishes yearly tend to end even before it starts, so this year, my wish is simple – and that is a stay at a seemingly distant tavern, just soaked on a fluffy, cozy king bed, momentarily taking dips in the pool, sipping wine, and, well… you know… something simpler would do. Hahaha!

3. Lamonade with the gang – an eat-out with my best buds at Stellar, WeTheFulgencios, etc.

Of course , something I need not miss is an eat out with my loves. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and while I ain’t a man, the way through TheJoshFulgencio™’s heart is definitely that. Besides, a good eat most often also means a good laugh, good talk, and good times with people that are most valuable to me. And that – I should say – is something I really wish to have.

4. A good read.

I started not demanding for specific titles and/or authors since last year, and the awesome thing about that is I also started expanding horizons with the stuff I read. I came to realize that there really are good books and tons of great writers out there, and their work really needs to be patronized. We can’t let them hide their talents to the chests!

So this year, yet again, one of my wishes is a new, good book, recommended by a fellow wide reader and bookworm 😄😄😄

5. Post-it Booklets!

Post-its are really useful, you know – especially those that are strikingly colorful, or with unique designs. Aside from its ultimate role of reminding me of tasks and schedules, it’s also a nice way to liven up my journals, work desk, and is handy when leaving some fellas a good day note. Thanks in advance! Hahaha!

6. An accessory that will leave me crying (or jumping for joy – whichever comes first)

I tend to be sentimental with stuff given to me by important people or that I did significant things with in order to obtain. Say, a small toy out of Kinder chocolate eggs, a baller with an inspiring statement, even a letter from a dear friend given years ago.

This year, I wish to get an accessory for keeps that would remind me of a colorful relationship/friendship I have with the giver. It could be something I could wear, or perhaps something that goes along with my stuff. Like earphones. Omg, earphones. 😛

7. A shopping spree!

I’m not really a shopper, unless we’re talking about foodies, then yes. But this item is honestly just an add-on. I wanted to see if someone bites. Uhmm… Dad? Mom? Ate and Kuya? Lol!

8. A fan video! LOL

Last year I actually just asked for fan signs and I got that and more. Thank you, dear friends and family. This time, video na talaga kasi mukhang doable naman eh. Lol!

Well, ultimately, I guess what I really want are sweet, honest, from-the-heart messages from my loved ones, so it really doesn’t matter if it’s a video compilation or something else… like a box of letters. 😉

9. A bouquet of flowers

Also an add-on but it’s a wish that happened last year. It makes me feel I can be young and lady-like. Odiba? Pag birthday ko lang ako babae. Hahaha!

10. A surprise

Everyone knows I have a love and hate relationship with surprises. ‘Cause really,  it takes a lot of nerve to dare to surprise a person experienced with events management, and who’s also specializing with surprise celebrations. But I guess, it’s another year to see the brave great ones who may finally pull it off.  😁

So I guess that’s it! Keeping my fingers crossed, and blowing an eyelash with a wish that some on this list come to pass. 🙏


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Pulubi

Lagi na lang.

Parating kailangan kong abutin ang pagkataas-taas na basehan ng kagalingan. Kailangan kong mangarap. Kailangan kong maghirap. Kailangan kong may marating, o di kaya ay marating ang pangarap nila para sa akin.

Sila na minsan ko lang nakilala, ilan pa sa kanila’y di kaanu-ano; sila na sumusubaybay sa buhay ko upang manigurado na pagdating ng panahon ay may maitulong ako – mayroon akong maibigay.

Sila na para bang nasa katawan kong ito na siyang kumakayod para makamit ang matayog na paroroonan. Sila na siya din namang lumikha ng imahe ng mga dapat nating makamtan – na kung wala ka ng mga ito, wala kang silbi, wala kang kabuluhan.

Sa ganitong paraan ko ba malilimos ang inyong respeto?

***
Lagi na lang.

Abala kayo. Abala din ako. Oras natin ay madalang na magtagpo. Sa panahong libre kayo, ako naman ang may gagawin, at ang kabaligtaran. Pare-pareho tayong may trabaho, parehong kumakayod, parehong nag-aabang sa panahong iyon na sa wakas ay makakapagpahinga, makakatulog, makakalayo sa ingay ng mundo. Kaya naman nung ayain ko kayo, may tanong sa sagot ninyong oo. Inisip niyong sana meron pang ibang oras na mailalaan kayo para sa akin.

Pero mahal ninyo ko. Alam ko ang totoo, at ramdam ko din ito. Ngunit bakit gano’n? Noon naman, may panahon. Noon naman, may pagkakataon. Bakit tila nagkulang na ang oras? Bakit naubos na ang tyansa ko na makasama kayo?

Hindi. Naisip ko na nariyan lang naman ang oras; nariyan lang naman ang pagkakataon. Nasa sa atin na ito kung papaano lalagyan ng kabuluhan, papaano gagamitin at para kanino at saan ilalaan. Marami kayong oras noon, ngunit mas abala na ngayon. Hindi ko naman hihingin na bitawan ninyo ang pinagkakaabalahan niyo. Isa lang ang hiling ko – na may paraan para maipilit mo na kahit isang oras – ako naman. Isang oras na tayo lang. Isang oras para kumustahin kayo. Isang oras para lalo pa kayong makilala. Isang oras sa isang araw, o higit pa, kung kaya.

Sana. Pero napansin niyo ba, tila ako nanlilimos ng oras niyo?

***
Lagi na lang.

Sinabi niyo sa akin kung sino ako. Inilahad at malinaw na inilarawan kung anong hitsura, anong katangian, anong ugali at mga kinakagawian. Para sa inyo hindi ito maganda. Para sa inyo hindi ito sapat. Mali ako, at kayo ang tama, dahil sa realidad na kayo ang nakakakita at malamang na kayo ang lubos na naaapektuhan.

Pero mali kayo. At sinasabi ko ito ng may buong respeto – mali ho kayo. Siguro may panahong akala niyo, pero hindi. Iniisip niyo, pero hindi naitanong. Tinapos ninyo ng walang paglilinaw. Para bang ikinulong ng walang paglilitis; itinaboy ng walang pagpipigil.

Hihilingin ko sana na minsan ninyo akong pakinggan para mailahad ko kung ano naman ang akin. Sana masagot ko ang mga akusasyon. Sana mailinaw ko na hindi ko intensyon ang mga masasamang bagay na akala niyo’y ginawa ko, at mga di magagandang katangian na akala niyo’y ako.

Hihiling ko sana, pero hindi na lang. Maipaliwanag ko man ang sarili ko sa lahat – may pagbabago kaya? Hindi naman ito kailangan ng mga nagmamahal sa akin, at hindi ito paniniwalaan ng mga ayaw sa akin.

Pati ba naman pagtanggap ninyo, nililimos ko?

***

DISCLAIMER: Maybe Fictional.


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Kailan Ka Kikilos?

To those who have ever felt demotivated, here is an excerpt from my journal some two years ago:

“I know motivation will come only from myself. Kaso ayoko magpanggap na gusto ko o natutuwa ako sa mga pangyayari… It makes me just don’t wanna think further, and look at the bright side. Gusto ko sana to just not give a D about it ever.

“Pero sa huli, alam ko naman na kakailanganin ko mag-decide. Ano nang plano? Mananatili ka ba sa pagrereklamo? Kasi kung ganyan lang… sisirain mo lang ang sarili mo at ang lugar na kinalalagyan mo. Pero kung matatapos din yan — get your act together. Sa dulo nito, you’re gonna have to live with it. Baka kasi nandito ang blessing ni Lord, tapos hahanapin mo pa sa iba – maliligaw ka lang.

“At the end of it all, Josh, you’ll have to decide. Oras lang ang katapat. Kailan ka kikilos?”

Disclaimer: Hindi po ito love matters, tigilan niyo ako. Hahaha!


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Those who are new to the news had one thing in question. And I have always told them, ‘yes’, because I knew in my heart that I am – I am happy. Falling in the manner that I did was not only exciting – it was remarkable. It felt powerful, a little under addictive, but all in all, beautiful, I believed.


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Back then, it was impossible to exist. And though I wanted to, I was never sure if you would, and I was not really into rejections. I pre-empted myself that the fears may far outweigh the pleasure. And for the longest time, I had this one unspoken mission of supression, which I eventually realized was never effective enough. No. Maybe, not at all.